Lessons of Life...

Lessons of life....
 

Raghu strolled with his maternal uncle carrying the urn containing the ashes of his grandpa to the seashore. The morning sun was rising and a cool breeze was blowing across them. Raghu was internally embroiled in thoughts about the times with his grandpa.

He looked at the sea and was gradually engrossed into the days with his grandpa. He thought about his closeness to him, lots of advice given by him on numerous occasions, admiration to his approach to life and how he lived it.

Raghu was the first grandson to his grandpa, which made him special and loaded with unquestioned love. His siblings and other cousins were envy to this unique affection shown for Raghu by their grandpa. During his school days, Raghu's only task was to ask - and he got it. Such was the affection. The occasion could be a Diwali, his birthday, or just a day when he got first marks in a class test.

Grandpa tried his luck to complete engineering. But was unable to do so, due to family reasons, which he never discussed. He had a brilliant father who was a very successful businessman, but did not have time for his son. To add to it, unfortunately, his mother had passed away in his childhood.

Grandpa joined an engineering firm and did almost all the work of an engineer, without having an engineering degree. He learnt his work the hard way and slowly became successful in his career.

When Raghu was in high school, his grandpa always encouraged him to do engineering.

'I was unable to do my engineering degree', were his typical words to Raghu.

 

'I want you to do well in studies, and become an engineer. Then my desire will be fulfilled'. This had become a sermon to him.

 

When Raghu joined engineering course, there was tears of achievement in Grandpa's eyes, when he visited Raghu at the college hostel. Their unique bonding had reached another plane.

 

Passage of time brought old age to grandpa and middle age to Raghu. With it came family responsibilities to Raghu, and retirement to grandpa. But grandpa's retirement was different.

 

After retirement, Grandpa's daily routine included a visit to his office for 3 to 4 hours, where he had worked for over 30 years. In the evening, he visited his friend's house and returned home late in the evening. This was his routine till he was eighty years. Later, there used to be only one change in his daily routine. He stopped going to office. The balance routine remained till his last days.

 

Raghu wondered about the energy levels of his grandpa and the positive attitude to life such daily routines did to an individual after retirement, and thought of following similar routine on his retirement. 

Grandpa’s daily routine also included brisk walk till his last days. He also had a habit of being active inside the house, in doing small daily chores – of filling all water bottles, cleaning his cupboards, just folding daily clothes and putting them up in respective places.  Whenever some vegetable or any other item was required at home, he would put on his shirt and just walk to the nearby shop and get it.

Aged people in India are hooked into the ‘TV serial culture’ - half-an-hour sit-coms in many TV channels, watching for more than five hours in a day. Grandpa was different, and watched only one half-an-hour serial daily. Without straining or having a rigid routine, these small errands and work at home provided him enough physical activity.

 

Raghu always noticed these activities and was convinced that these small physical activities helped his grandpa in being active till the very end.

 

Raghu recollected the lessons of life he saw and learnt from his grandpa. Being active to the very end of your life, was of course the major lesson. Being active ensures you are healthy and to have a set of activities to do every day keeps your brain active till the very end of life.

 

Raghu reminisced the other lesson of life from his grandpa. It came out of a conversation, while travelling by train with his grandpa. The conversation started off when Raghu thought about his relative circle who commented about grandpa’s success and on his lifestyle. He did not understand the rationale of such comments.

Raghu asked his grandpa, ‘Why do you not take offence to all relatives when they comment that you have not managed your family and finances well?’
 

‘I don’t give much Importance to such statements. I live my life on my own terms, and am very clear in my conscience of what I have done and not done to my family’.
 

‘But grandpa, relatives commenting about your finances forget a simple fact that you are the only one in the family circle in your generation to build and own a house. Others either do not own a house, or would have just inherited one’.

‘Raghu, you know it better. Let’s leave this topic. It is not worth discussing’, grandpa cut short this conversation.

Raghu, did not leave it at that, and continued ‘How come you do not get agitated at such comments?’

‘What is the use? Nobody gains by such thoughts, definitely not me. There is no point thinking and being agitated and getting into arguments’.

 

‘Raghu, my policy is very simple, live and let live. And, I live my way, not to please anyone or to hurt anyone. Do not have any expectations about your relationship with relatives. Then there is no disappointment for any action or inaction of your relatives’.

 

Grandpa continued, ‘To give a very small example - Do not expect that a relative has to visit your house and then get disappointed if he chooses not to visit you. At the same time you do not visit any relative’s house, if you are not comfortable. Stop thinking about what the other person would think. You cannot live for others’.

 

‘Also, do not carry a negative view in your mind about any relative not visiting you or not helping you, when you expected it. It is part of life. Let these thoughts just pass through. Such negative thoughts end up only spoiling your day. Time is always the best healer’. Raghu was listening to these lessons of life with apt attention, knowing fully well that these will lay the best path in life.

 

Grandpa continued on his pet topic, ‘Remember Raghu, this world is a ‘bad world’ (ketta ullagam), wherein good people live in it. Every human is selfish by nature; only the degree of selfishness differs. It is only on relative terms. If you accept this fact, it is easier to live’.

 

Raghu had this conversation with grandpa etched in memory and became his edict in life.

 

Raghu recollected the day, when he was informed that his grandpa was seriously ill and his health was failing. Raghu travelled by an overnight bus and was with his grandpa the next morning. He took him to a diagnostic centre for certain blood tests and the results showed that his organs were failing due to old age of 89 years.

 

Raghu conjectured about thoughts going through a person, nearing his death. He thought about how a human’s brain will function when he is facing certain death. It was peculiar to him and his thoughts were looking at these events from different perspectives.

 

He asked his wise uncle, 'Mama, when a person is in his last stage of life, what goes through his mind?’

 

‘Raghu, I believe your grandpa will think about you coming and being with him, taking leave from work to take care of him'.

 

He continued, 'your grandpa will have only these thoughts filled in his mind which he will carry to his death. Raghu, you should take comfort that you have done your duty and these small things will make your grandpa happy’.

 

‘You just be with him and spend as much time as possible, in these last days’.

Few days later, grandpa passed away.

 

“Beep Beep…”, rang the message tone in Raghu’s mobile, which brought him back to the present, from his memories of his grandpa.

 

Raghu saw his mobile, and opened the message sent by his friend on Whatsapp, which read – “……….

The message reflected Grandpa’s true words which reverberated through the cool air at the sea shore in Raghu’s ears.

 

How true……

 

 

-       Venkatesh