Being an "Empty Nester"....

Being an ‘Empty Nester’….

My daughter joined an eminent Private University out of Hyderabad. She was particular in joining this college for her Bachelor’s program (UG program), and when she got her admission, she had no second thoughts of being away from her parents and getting into a new phase of life. For me, life of being an ‘empty nester’ commenced….
And for mothers – they see the vacuum, when they cook any dishes which are loved by their kids and unable to feed them. Mothers are mothers….anywhere…

I see the present generation, and find them to be very clear in their thought process and firm in their decision making. No amount of parent’s advice or inputs can change their decision so easily. They are less influenced by their parents but more influenced by what their friends or peers do or say. I feel such decision making by the present generation has its own perils and maybe incorrect, but very difficult to convince them.

In the US, it is almost natural that the kids go out and start living in dorms on joining their Under Graduate programs in Colleges/ Universities. I got to know that in USA, the term ‘empty nester’ is popular and used to denote parents whose kids have moved out to start their college life and parents start living alone in their homes..

Effectively, kids start living independently from their 18^th year onwards and after their education including their PG program, start working to begin their career. Think of it, parents have the luxury of bringing up children only till their 18^th year and after that see their children grow into adults and blossom in their chosen careers only from a distance.

In India too, more and more kids have started to live independently once they join college leaving many parents as ‘empty nesters’, which creates a sudden vacuum in the day to day lives of the parents. If there are two or more children at home, then becoming an ‘empty nester’ is delayed for the parents, but inevitable.

The immediate change for me was the imminent vacuum at home, when you return from office, when the house is practically silent. Already, after the advent of smart phone, in almost all houses, each member of the family is busy seeing or doing something with the mobile, reducing conversations to NIL. I think that when my daughter was around, you have conversation with many (atleast two persons!!), now it is only one – your wife. This brought out a change in me – you try and start having more conversations with your spouse, unlike when the kids are around.   

But the same smart phone and new technology, has given a good workaround – to have video call with your daughter and atleast have a solace of seeing your kids often.

Kids staying away from parents during their college life, gives them the independence in thought process, become more responsible as they know that they alone are responsible for their actions. Kids also learn to interact with others, given the necessity in college, to interact with different kinds of people coming from different back-grounds, resulting in honing your social skills, a quality definitely required in today’s world. As parents, we can only keep a watch that our kids are in the right company of friends, because environ and friends make a big difference in character building of the kid.

Kids of the present generation do not get ‘home sick’ very often because they get along well in the company of friends and also keep calling their parents, thanks to the mobile with each of them.

   

Having now adjusted to the new environ of an ‘empty nester’, you feel to get over the vacuum, there have to be new avenues or activities apart from work. I realised that one good way is to develop a new hobby – start learning a new art – a musical instrument and your mind is kept occupied in learning the new art and keeps you pre-occupied.

I have seen many who get involved in other avenues – spending more time at gym to be more fit, professional running, cycling, learning a new sport, learning new technology, involving in many social activities. The point is to fill up the emptiness in one’s life by using up the time and being pre-occupied. Yes, the other well-known hobby is always there – the oldest and best hobby of reading or writing.

-       Venkatesh