'Vanaprastha' from Home

‘Vanaprastha’ from Home

Source: (This blog is based on a talk by Sri Velukkudi Krishnan Swamy on “Vanaprastha from Home” in his ‘En Pani’ Series).

This blog is divided into three parts for better clarity.

Part-1: Reference of “Vanaprastha” in Mahabharatha and as explained in Hindu philosophy.

What is ‘Vanaprastha’?

Vanaprastha means ‘retiring into the forest’ and finds mention in Mahabharatha.

After the war is over, Yudishtra was crowned as king and ruled for some time. After the passage of Lord Krishna from this earth, the Pandavas made Parikhsit, the only surviving heir, the king of their empire. Then the Pandavas and Draupadi took to the forest for Vanaprastha and started climbing the Himalayas. One by one they fell and died until it was only Yudhishtira who scaled the peaks with his dog. 

According to Hindu philosophy, there are four stage of human life - Brahmacharya (bachelor student, 1st stage), Grihastha (married householder, 2nd stage), Vanaprastha (retiring into the forest, 3^rd stage) and Sannyasa (renunciation ascetic, 4th stage).

Vanaprastha as explained in the Vedic system, is when a person hands over household responsibilities to the next generation, takes an advisory role, and gradually withdraws from the world.

Vanaprastha stage is considered as a transition phase from a householder's life with greater emphasis on Artha and Kama (wealth, security, pleasure and sexual pursuits) to one with greater emphasis on Moksha (spiritual liberation).

In any individual’s life cycle, Vanaprastha is typically marked with birth of grand-children, gradual transition of householder responsibilities to the next generation, increasingly hermit-like lifestyle, and greater emphasis on community services and spiritual pursuit.

Part – 2: Vanaprastha from Home – summary of the talk by Sri Velukkudi Krishnan:

Looking after parents is a duty for the children, it is treated as dharma. No reward required for looking after parents. But how do you do it in today’s world of nucleus families?

Old parents expect and require attention from their children. Else they feel they are left alone. Old age – brings in their attitude of having attention. Else they feel insulted.

When we grow older, we should develop the quality of not expecting or wanting any attention. Young people discuss amongst themselves and do not ask their old parents for any opinion.

When we reach the age to get into ‘vanaprastha’, how do you do it from home in today’s world?

Vanaprastha from home can be done by primarily developing qualities that when we grow old, we should get a mind-set of not expecting any attention from your children and instead divert your attention towards God. Old people should get clarity that by getting attention from their children, nothing is going to be achieved.

In Old age, an individual should try to inculcate bhakti or understanding God, and not think about your kids. You can turn your attention to reading books – religious, philosophy, and start listening to talks – religious lectures.

We should realise that our children have their own life with tension, and their kids are facing competition in today’s competitive environment. Children have their own life.

The art of growing old is to restrict your comments or pass opinion on every issue. Let us understand that such comments have a lasting negative impact - words are dangerous.

As it is said in Bhagavad Gita – ‘mounam’ (silence) is the best ‘rahasasyam’ (secret)…

You start talking more about god, religion. Both the old age couple can talk about god, religion or any common interest. Then it is better.

Do not have any words about any requirement, do not give any opinion, you try and not become burden to your children.

Then kids will have more respect on the parents. If you still have pleasures of seeing TV serials, then kids will not have any respect – thinking at this age also they are not becoming religious.

Once you start getting into religious activities, then you will not require any attention from kids.

Part 3: My thoughts and observations:

In today’s world and society, nucleus family has become a reality. In our generation (people born after 1960), the concept of joint family has slowly faded away. More than 90% of our generation are living separately from our parents. This is due to our professional career, which has taken us across the globe and in India, living away from our native towns or cities.

We are getting older and our children are blossoming to become adults who have to choose their own career and live independently. The world is moving towards a reality where almost 100% of our generation will live independent of our children, whether in India or abroad.

In today’s world, the reality is most of the parents have started living alone when their children have left them for pursuing their higher studies or work in different cities.

“Empty Nester” is a widely used term in USA for parents who live alone, with their children living separately due to education or work.

The generation of our parents was different. Our parents (most of them) where truly middle class, just able to meet ends financially but strived to make our lives comfortable. Most of their savings was spent on either our education including funding our post-graduation in USA or other countries, their kid’s marriage or for their health. Their thought process was that their sons will take care of them in old age.

However, the reality has turned out to be quite different. Many of our parents live alone in India with their sons or daughters living abroad. In India too, many of our parents live separately from their sons or daughters, due to professional & career compulsions.

What can we do to practice ‘Vanaprastha from Home?’

We need to structure and have a daily schedule of activities, after our retirement from corporate life. The daily schedule will help us to keep oneself busy daily throughout your life. There are numerous examples of people who have lived long and healthy by keeping themselves busy and active throughout their lives.

Of course, it goes without saying that being healthy is very important to live a good life in our old age.

As we grow old, we need to try and avoid commenting or expressing opinion on every issue to our kids. Words can truly create friction amongst our kids and their spouses.

The next generation is quite different and do not want to listen to opinions or advice on every issue, as they have grown up in this modern age, where individuality is of paramount importance to these kids.

Another factor which creates friction between the elders and the next generation is ‘expectation’. We need to try and not have any expectations on any matter from our kids when we grow old. This ensures that there is no disappointment when our kids do not inform us on matters or issues. Less or no expectation leads to no disappointment…

On growing old and retired from corporate life, we can cultivate a habit of listening to religious talks, discuss about the Lord and become more and more detached from worldly issues, develop new hobbies to spend our time productively.

If one is not that religious, you may start doing activities which you like to do in old age. It can be social service or lending helping hand for any social cause or pursuing any hobby.

Since it is a reality that most of our generation will not be living with our kids in old age, one option may be to live with your siblings and/or close friends in close proximity. Everyone requires his or her own space, but staying close by has its advantages -.each can help the other in times of health emergencies or companionship.

-   Venkatesh


'Vanaprastha from Home' - Talk by Sri Velukkudi Krishnan Swami in 'En Pani' Series - Click on the below link and select track no.173


https://www.kinchit.org/kinchit-en-pani/151-200/